Love can bring two people together, but building a home requires more than affection. At a time when families face economic pressures, conflict, changing lifestyles and relationship challenges, anyone planning to marry should ask themselves some important questions before deciding that their partner is someone they want to spend the rest of their life with.
New figures from the National Institute of Statistics of Rwanda (NISR) show that 50,256 legal marriages were registered in 2025, while 4,479 divorces were recorded in the National Civil Registration and Vital Statistics System. Of these, 2,629 were granted by courts during the same year.
This does not mean everyone planning to marry is at risk of divorce. However, the figures show that deciding to share a life with someone requires more than romantic feelings. There are several issues couples should consider before getting married.
Discuss sexual and reproductive health
These are conversations many people find uncomfortable, yet they are essential.
Before getting married, couples should discuss fidelity, sexual relations, family planning, reproductive health and appropriate medical tests.
The 2025 Rwanda Demographic and Health Survey (RDHS) shows that 33.2 per cent of unmarried girls aged 15 to 24 said they had never had sexual intercourse.
The figures also indicate that one in five young men and one in five young women begin having sex before the age of 18.
According to the 2025 RDHS, HIV prevalence among Rwandans aged 15 to 49 stands at 2.2 per cent, including 2.8 per cent among women and 1.5 per cent among men. In Kigali, the prevalence is 3.7 per cent.
These conversations are not about accusing a partner of wrongdoing. They are about building a marriage based on honesty, trust and good health.
Know your partner as they are, not as you hope they will become
No one should decide to marry someone while overlooking traits they dislike simply because they believe they can change their partner after the wedding.
Before committing to marriage, ask yourself whether you are prepared to accept your partner’s character or are relying on the hope that they will change once you live together.
How do they behave when angry? Do they respect other people? When I have a problem, do they help me find a solution or avoid dealing with it? Do they admit their mistakes, and do their actions match their words?
Do not judge someone only by how they behave when everything is going well. Pay attention to how they respond when things do not go their way.
Discuss money before the wedding
Money can be a major source of conflict in marriage when couples have not agreed on how to manage it.
Before getting married, it is important to understand each other’s employment and income, savings, debts, business plans, financial support for relatives and long-term goals.
In 2024, more than 96 per cent of Rwanda’s adult population had access to financial services. However, access to such services does not necessarily mean couples agree on how to manage their money.
Rwanda has 8.7 million people of working age, including 4.7 million who are employed and 729,000 seeking work. NISR puts the labour force at 5.4 million, equivalent to 62.1 per cent of the working-age population.
The issue is not necessarily how much money each person has or earns, but whether they share a similar approach to managing their finances.
Discuss children before starting a family
Many couples spend more time planning their wedding than discussing the life they will lead afterwards.
One of the most important issues is whether both partners want children, how many they would like to have, when they want to start a family, how they will raise their children and how they understand their responsibilities as parents.
The 2025 RDHS shows that women’s preferences regarding having children vary. About 13 per cent want another child within the next two years, while 37 per cent would prefer to have one later. Meanwhile, 47 per cent do not want another child.
In 2025, 69 per cent of married women were using family planning methods.
These figures underline why couples should not assume they will automatically agree on having children after marriage.
In 2024, SOS Children’s Villages Rwanda reported that 90 per cent of children living on the streets had fled problems within their families.
Pay attention to how your partner handles conflict
Many people can be kind and loving when they are happy. The real test comes when disagreements arise.
Before getting married, observe how your partner responds to difficult situations. Do they try to resolve problems through discussion, or resort to insults, threats, silent treatment or physical violence?
A healthy marriage is not one without disagreements. It is one in which conflicts can be resolved without abuse.
Figures from 2025 show that about one in three women aged 15 to 49 who had ever been married in Rwanda had experienced emotional, physical or other forms of domestic violence.
That year, 39 per cent of women and 23 per cent of men who had ever had a spouse or intimate partner reported experiencing emotional, physical or sexual violence perpetrated by their current or most recent partner.
Abuse should never be treated as a problem that marriage itself will resolve.
Understand each other’s expectations about household responsibilities
Is cooking solely a woman’s responsibility? Should a man be the only one expected to earn money? Is raising children the responsibility of just one parent? Should one partner make all household decisions?
These are questions couples should discuss before marriage.
Family life today differs from that of previous generations. Both women and men work, study, earn money and contribute to household development. Building a home therefore requires agreement and cooperation rather than expecting a partner to know what they should do after the wedding.
Discuss extended families and set clear boundaries
Marriage is not only about living with your partner; it often means becoming part of a wider family.
Couples should discuss the role their parents, siblings and other relatives will play in their married life.
They should agree on how often they will visit relatives, how much financial support they will provide to their families and how much influence their parents should have over decisions in their household.
They should also decide whether problems between them can be discussed with relatives or whether certain matters should remain private.
Clear boundaries between a couple’s household and their extended families can prevent many disagreements.
Do not overlook substance use, alcohol or other harmful habits
Someone may be a loving partner but struggle with alcohol dependence, drug use, gambling or other habits that affect their emotions, finances and wellbeing, potentially harming the relationship.
It is unwise to assume that you will change these habits once you are married.
Before getting married, ask yourself whether you would be able to live with a habit your partner has today if it continued throughout your marriage.
If the answer is no, the issue should be addressed before the wedding rather than expecting the wedding ring to solve it.
Figures from 2025 indicate that 19 per cent of men whose female partners did not drink alcohol reported experiencing violence.
The proportion rose to 29 per cent among men whose partners drank but did not get drunk, 57 per cent among those whose partners sometimes got drunk, and 88 per cent among those whose partners frequently got drunk.
Do not overlook differences in values and beliefs
Love can lead people to ignore significant differences between them.
However, after marriage, differences over religious beliefs, raising children, personal values, clothing, friendships, social media use and relationships with people who hold different views can become sources of conflict.
People do not all think alike or see the world in the same way. What matters is that couples understand their differences and discuss how they will live together despite them.
Understand the type of marriage contract you are entering into
Marriage is not merely a ceremony; it is also a legal relationship.
Law No. 71/2024 governing persons and the family sets out provisions relating to matrimonial property, gifts and inheritance. It also provides for different matrimonial property regimes.
Figures show that 97 per cent of couples who married in Rwanda in 2025 chose the community of property regime.
President of the Rwanda Bar Association, Moise Nkundabarashi, said one of the factors contributing to divorce was that some couples did not understand the laws they had agreed to when they married, only to regret their decisions later.
People should therefore not wait until their wedding day to find out what their chosen matrimonial regime means. Couples should understand their rights and responsibilities, property arrangements, debts and the consequences of their decisions.
Finally, do not marry because of pressure
Some people marry because of their age, pressure from parents or friends, fear of losing a partner, an unplanned pregnancy, financial considerations or fear of admitting that they are not ready.
But a good marriage should not be a way of escaping pressure.
NISR figures show that the median age at first marriage in Rwanda has been rising. In 2022, it stood at 28.2 years for men and 25.3 years for women.
